The Little Miss is due to arrive in about 4 more weeks, and none of us can believe how quickly the time has gone. We've had a great summer just the 3 of us, getting into a good routine and just enjoying the last few months of our little family before the newest member joins us. John and I talk often about what the changes will be like...will she be an easy baby? will she sleep well? will she be able to nurse easily? how will Nathan react? how will we deal with sleep deprivation while caring for an active toddler? ...of course there is no way to know, but we have fun guessing. We figure that if nothing else, we have some experience now which will go a long way in helping us navigate whatever lies ahead.
Nathan is at such a great age right now, and we are just eating him up each day. He's walking all the time now and is so proud of himself as he conquers new feats. He loves to go to the park and explore the playground or just walk in the grass and find leaves, sticks, or whatever other treasure may be laying there. He "helps" around the house, too, with the dishwasher, vacuuming, and trying to put pots and pans from the cupboard up on the stove. He is so social and such a flirt--walking up to strangers and patting or hugging them! John and I marvel at this, as both of us are fairly reserved...we wonder how Nathan got such a personality!?! And hopefully I won't jinx anything by writing this, but he's been sleeping great at night now for about the last 6 weeks. This makes up for his mediocre napping during the day...but even naps are improving now that he's so much more active. It's been a great few months.
John and I have become such a great team this year. He's such a wonderful Daddy and Nathan adores him (as do I!). We've figured out systems to make communicating easier and have found ways to give each other regular baby breaks during the week which have been great for us both to recharge. It's also allowed Nathan to be comfortable with either of us caring for him which will be a definite plus once the Little Girl arrives. We know that the addition of another baby will be a transition for us, but I feel so confident that we'll just take our current systems and tweak them to fit the new situation. Before long things will be humming along nicely again. I'm so lucky to have my husband also be my very best friend.
This year has been one of lots of lessons for me. I think back to the times of my major frustrations during the past year...when I thought I was doing things wrong by not having Nathan on a "strict schedule", or when I worried if he was eating too much (a teacher sees too many obese kids at school and I still fight against this fear...), when I thought we were hurting him by letting him cry it out at night, or when I thought I was the only one with a kid who didn't nap (or whatever else the "crisis" was)...and now I can laugh at myself, at least a little. I hope that I've learned to have fewer expectations for the Baby Girl (though no expectations would be best...) so that I can just enjoy the journey and know that all the details will iron themselves out in time. I admit to still having bouts of anxiousness over wondering how on earth I'll be able to care for both a newborn and an active 15-month-old at the same time (not to mention myself!), but then I tell myself that people have done it before and survived, that I have a wonderfully supportive and helpful husband who will do all that he can to make things easier, and that everything will seem "easy" again in time. I think it's just that change terrifies me, especially when it's a BIG change like this! I always chuckle to myself when I have these realizations because I know God is looking down at me (as He always is) and wants me to know how much easier things would be if I'd just let Him handle all the details, instead of trying to figure them out by myself. I hope I'm getting better at that, but I know it's something that will take awhile...luckily, I have my whole life to learn and even more luckily, God is very patient.
I am fighting hard against all the mommy guilt that has me wondering how Nathan will cope with having to share his parents, how he's not getting as much "fun" time right now since I'm as big as a house and lacking energy/stamina, how will the baby fair when she won't get as much undivided attention as Nathan got as a baby, etc., etc., etc. There are other moms in my mothers' group who are expecting #2 and going through the same thing, so it's been good to commiserate. I just keep reminding myself, once again, that millions of kids have had siblings and both kids have adjusted just fine. All the looks of pity or disbelief and comments I've been getting at playgroups or at parks from other moms (strangers, no less!) about how close together the kids will have been extremely hard for me to deal with. I know it doesn't matter what other people think, especially people I don't even know, but at a time when I'm feeling extra vulnerable and sensitive, it's been hard to stomach at times. I try to concentrate on the people who say the wonderfully encouraging and positive things...things like, "they'll be so close, just like best friends" or "you'll be all done with diapers and the craziness at about the same time" or "how wonderful to have a boy and a girl...a perfect family" or "we wanted to have ours that close together--you're so lucky!" These are the people who have made me feel that things will be wonderful...and I love that many of these comments have also come from perfect strangers, another way God has encouraged me in the last few weeks.
I've been busily nesting, getting as much ready for the Baby as possible. I'd said it didn't matter how much was prepared in advance, but alas, it does. We could certainly survive as long as she has a place to sleep and a few clothes and diapers, but the act of washing and folding her clothes, and organizing her dresser and closet somehow makes her upcoming birth seem more real. Not that I could forget given how huge I am and how much she's constantly on the move! But having time to get the sea of pink things ready for her has been a fun time. We are so very excited to meet her!
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